Breaking Free
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(Prison Break/Jail Break)
—Jesus slipped away
—Peter in prison/released by an angel
—Paul in prison/earthquake
—Paul escapes in a basket
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Like a Lion in a cage walking in circles.
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I was so very scared.
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The Lord wants me to walk in a very free manner. Everything—liturgy, worship, prayer—to the most stark degree, to the most minimal degree, done continually.
Howard Hain Sept. 29 2018
Flap. Flap. Flap.
Higher. Higher. Higher.
Little eyes getting wider.
The only way back home is a continual flight forward.
Clouds. Thin air. Loss of atmospheric light.
Wings gain strength instead of tire.
Howard Hain Sept. 29 2018
Saints not sinners
His holy people
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I feel most at peace when I am in the city, among many people, at the Met, bright, clean, beautiful, a place full of interested people, families, travelers, explorers, vacationers, searching, looking, open, dressed better than normal, holding hands, laughing, discussing things normally not allotted time, life.
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God always chooses life.
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(Saint Lorenzo Ruiz, married man, martyr)
What if he just raised his hand and went back to his wife and children?
Would that make him any less of a martyr?
What if I raised my hand and went back to my wife and child?
Would that make me any less of a man?
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I have a feeling that most of the men that left the priesthood, the seminaries (and the women in the convents as well) entered for the right reason, and that’s why they left, they left for the right reason.
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You can’t discuss your mental health with the prison guards.
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Break the cycle. Halt the rigor.
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Why afraid to be paid? Prisoner isn’t. Hard labor. No pay. Bread and water.
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Purity is so easily offended.
Innocence is so easily tarnished.
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(Saint John of the Cross. Imprisoned by his brother priests for nine months.)
He saw the window and went for it. He made his decision. He escaped. He chose life. To live. So do I. I see the window and go for it. I make the decision. I escape. I choose life. To live.
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I am free.
Howard Hain Sept. 29 2018
Strange energy
Core of my being
Causing me to grunt
To commune like a caveman
But to walk upright
Humanism elevated to the primal degree
Raw data
Fight or flight
Flesh and Spirit
Spirit and Truth
Locusts and honey
Uncooked meat
The finest wine
By the bucket load
A single drop
From a tarnished chalice
Pure
Can’t be dirtied
As hard as they try
That pointy-eared bastard
Striking an innocent pose
He’s met his match
Superman in a long white robe
Chest afire
Heart engaged
Burning man
A funeral pyre
Ashes turned to ink
Tattoos for free
“John loves Mary”
For all to see
A caveman takes her into his home
Howard Hain Sept. 26 2018
Identify it.
Fix it.
Move on.
Yes.
Rock.
Shatter stone.
Dream.
Reality.
Power.
Might.
Another sip of coffee.
Drive the kids to school.
Love at night.
Exercise.
Roar.
Scream in the car.
Sleep soundly.
Jump up to rescue a frightened cat.
Crush enemies.
Judge mercifully.
Open the window.
Hear the whistle.
Follow the sound.
Listen.
Speak.
Life.
Flex in the mirror.
See truth in your most undeveloped part.
Howard Hain Sept. 25 2018
All the world the Inner Room.
The Inner Room set aflame.
Peace.
Renewal.
A fresh coat of paint.
A kneeling man hugging a tree.
Tourists all dressed the same.
A small shiny speck on a large gray carpet.
Masterpieces within spit’s reach.
All for a dollar.
All began with I’m afraid of nothing.
Howard Hain Sept. 24 2018
The Robert Lehman Wing, Metropolitan Museum of Art
Why do I resist?
For years you’ve allowed me to be woken up
Perhaps it’s even you who shakes the bed?
Sit up straight
Open and read
Each and every time
A bright encounter
Yet my fear prefers to toss and turn
A boat tossed at sea
Afraid to board the dinghy
When in reality I’m tied to the dock
One small step and I’m on dry land.
Howard Hain Sept. 23 2018
She is good
She is kind
She is strong
She perseveres
She is so very loyal
She has the face, the eyes, the demeanor of a storybook peasant about to become princess
She is royal
It’s too easy to say beautiful
She is good
She is true
She’s a woman
And not afraid to be.
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O what a sight!
Thank You God!
Let me click the shutter of my eyes
Seal the image in my heart and mind
My soul expands
My little girl grows in wisdom
They are becoming friends
What else can a father ask?
She plays with scissors
She cuts out shapes
She arranges figures
Signs and symbols dance in her head
The cosmos a playground
Kindness a bench
The place between my arm and side
Her resting place.
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He is tender
Incredibly soft
But not weak
Powerful in posture and prayer.
Howard Hain Sept. 23 2018
Catching flies—take hold of every thought. Capture.
(∼2 Corin. 10:5)
“We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”
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Speak Lord your servant is listening? Marcus Aurelius. Why do what’s not necessary? What is necessary? What does necessary mean? Your job is to believe, how many times do I need to tell you? Love God and do what you please. Principle of Parsimony. Ockham’s Razor. Trim the fat. Efficiency. Effectiveness. Bold Humility. Transformation. It doesn’t matter what you call yourself, as long as you are called. It doesn’t matter how you pray, even “what” you pray, as long as you pray: Talk & Listen to ME. Mary had a little lamb can be very powerful. If prayed with a humble, poor, sincere heart. Sex every other day, everyday, go to the altar daily, I gave it to you, use it, I see everything and of course it pleases me to see you live, to express, to be free, to play in the garden—Two cats in Milan—in the moat (around the castle) playing, no, petting each other, no, being one. Why would going to the chapel, taking a walk, going to the museum, sitting silent, going to the gym, speaking to a trusted friend be any more important, and done more frequently than marital union expressed physically? Daily. Receive me daily. Daily carry your cross. Daily engage the Sacrament of Marriage. Maybe you need your own bedroom. The attic. A little room. Home chapel. Altar. Place to celebrate the sacraments. Celebrate the Sacrament of Marriage daily. Celebrate all the sacraments daily. Baptism. Reconciliation. Eucharist. Confirmation. Marriage. Orders. Healing.
Howard Hain Sept. 22 2018
You travel the dark night not to reach light but to become one with Him who is beyond both sun and moon.
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“Night will be no more, nor will they need light from lamp or sun, for the Lord God shall give them light, and they shall reign forever and ever.”
—Revelation 22:5
Howard Hain Sept. 21 2018
Howie Hain 